Monday, August 24, 2015

I give up...

I ain't got nuthin'.

Actually, I'm still trying to finish the test crochet I showed progress on last week, but as I'm nearing the end of that, I'm sort of burning out.  As the pattern has emerged I'm realizing I'm not thrilled with the color sequence I decided to work this scarf in, but I'm committed to finishing it as is. 

And I so want to be done with it.  I wanted to be done yesterday, but it was our wedding anniversary (35th to be exact) and well...except for a few rows I just wasn't in the mood to crochet a scarf I'm sort of feeling burned out on.
http://www.ravelry.com/discuss/a-year-of-projects/3264501/1-25#17

Please nobody tell on me (not that I expect that to be much of a temptation to anyone), but I actually spent my weekend mostly playing hooky from crocheting by cleaning.  It wasn't my intention.  It's just that feeling a little less than enthusiastic about the crocheting, house cleaning (specifically window cleaning) sounded like more fun...   Well, that, and it was our anniversary weekend.  So other than cleaning, we had church on Sunday morning and then a very nice anniversary dinner out.  And then we vegged.  It was a great weekend!

And now, here it is - Monday.  And it feels like it's a paid (though not-paid) work day, I feel like I need to get back to this scarf.  I started out loving test crocheting this scarf.  Really, I was excited once it got going.  And I still think it's a pretty scarf.   And I'm not exactly not loving test crocheting it, but I have discovered yet again that once I've committed myself to something I inevitably lose some interest in it.  What's up with this?  Is it a character flaw?  Or is this a normal thing for most people?  Those are rhetorical questions and only those who know exactly what I'm talking about are given permission to answer.  IOW, I don't want to hear from those who never have a problem keeping their enthusiasm over a commitment.  Your perky pleasure at barreling through a project will be wasted on me in this frame of mind.

This "character flaw" is one of the reasons I don't join things like book clubs.  Or reading challenges.  It's why I'm cautious about joining a CAL, and why I'm extremely reluctant to crochet on commission.  I'll be all excited about doing the thing, but at some point I'll see the other pretty things I want to make, or another book I want to read, and suddenly I'm less than emotivated to finish the thing I HAVE to do.

Ugh.

So that's where I'm at.  I'm finally giving up on the idea of posting a "see how productive I've been" sort of post for this week's YOP.   And I'm just laying myself out there.  This is part of the process, afterall, right?  Coming to grips with the highs and lows of making wonderful things.

And you know... Actually, getting this out will probably be just the thing I need to get my test crochet mojo back.  I'll probably knock that thing out later today and get it blocked tomorrow.  Then again, now that I've written that, I've possibly jinxed myself.  But saying I've jinxed myself might help me to feel like I can sneak and finishing this thing - like on the sly 'cause no one will actually expect me to finish it quickly now.  But now that I've admitted that...   Oh good grief.

What's wrong with me?!? 

Don't answer that.  If you followed my train of thought above, I love you!  You get me!  You know there's nothing (deeply) wrong with me.  I'm just owning it.  And if you're completely honest, you probably feel a little relieved that I'm admitting it.

If you don't follow my train of thought or understand my plight, well...I love you anyway.  For sticking with me all the way to here.  You're a good Joe (or Josephine, as the shoe more likely fits).

While I trust you to keep my secret, I do know I've likely doomed my chances at any of you reading this ever taking me up on testing your upcoming designs.  It's okay, really.  If you find me asking on Ravelry or elsewhere to test your design feel free to remind me of this post.  I may beg and cry and plead, but I will totally understand if you take a pass on me. 

In the meantime...it's back to my test crocheting.   Actually, no.  No.  That's not right.   I'm going to continue playing hooky (said she as she sneakily picked up her crochet hook).    Grrr....Now that they're on to me I might as well as go read a book! 

Smiley Faces 

Doo dee doo dee doo...  Now where did I put that test crochet project?



 


 
 

10 comments:

  1. I hear you and sympathize. I go in stretches of productive and scatter brained casting on madness. Like now, I want to keep casting on for projects not on my list and then I looked at some handspun yarn and thought I should start spinning again. Be easy with yourself is my only advice. Take care!

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    1. Thanks for relating. I think I'm struggling because I feel like I have to be a monogamous crocheter while doing a test project. I feel like I'm cheating if I pick something else up. When I'm just crocheting for me and hit a wall like this I can pick something else up and move beyond my inertia. But not feeling like I can do that makes this harder. I'm probably wrong in thinking this way. But it is what it is...

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  2. I read every word of your blog. I can relate to some of it but I'm also procrastinating ... I really should be working on the illustrations for my brother's next book. Honestly I think that whole "should" thing makes me not want to. "Should" makes it feel like work!

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    1. Yes! Feelings of "should" tend to gnaw away at internal motivation.

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  3. I hear you! With any test knit or item you knit for another person or event an added layer of expectation is added on to the project and this is what's hard to cope it, it's not you. Knitting and Crochet are our hobbies, we do them because we enjoy them, they relax us help us unwind and once that expectation is there it takes away from the fun and enjoyment of what is our hobby, perfectly understandable and not your fault at all. It's expectations fault ;) Pssst, sometimes when I play hooky like I've been doing for the last few days, I've been reading, I actually come back to the project more renewed energy wise....double pssst belated anniversary wishes and that is a gorgeous flower picture again!

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    1. Oh Ruth, your comments mean a lot to me. As someone who designs and depends on peeps like me to test the patterns it means even more that you understand. I'm over my slump and am almost finished now. Regardless of how I got to feeling over the weekend, it really has been a good experience to test a crochet pattern. I'm also sure that experiences differ depending on so many variables.

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  4. Haha, I can sympathise. I think we all get in a knitting/crochet funk sometimes, and testknitting can be tough because deadlines do have the automatic effect of triggering interest in other (non-testknit-related) things. Nothing like a deadline to make a fun thing feel like work! ;) It's the reason why so far I've only one very small testknits - that way it's not too much of a challenge to finish on time, even with the inevitable procrastinating.

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    1. Thanks, Iris. I've actually been thinking it's the lack of an actual deadline that's worked against me. While it still would have felt like work I know I would have finished it sooner and I'd not have had guilt heaped on top of lack of motivation. The combination was deadly last weekend. The scarf's done now, though! Yay! Pictures coming on Sunday!

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  5. Oh I can sympathise, I like a deadline, but as soon as there is any pressure I can't stop looking at every other pattern.

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    1. I'm so glad to have so many express that they understand. All's better now. :^)

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