Current knee diagnosis...

I really thought I was going to get in here sooner to report on my doctor's appointment last Friday, because after the appointment I felt pretty good about things.  For example, according to the x-ray I only have mild knee arthritis (and it would not be causing this kind of pain), and my overall leg strength is good I'm told.  And the best part - the doctor believes physical therapy will resolve this present issue.  

It all seemed like such good news that I didn't complain when the doctor said he didn't want to give me a cortisone shot.  I hadn't even asked for one yet when he told me this.  I'm not sure I had a choice in the matter, but with all the good news I wasn't too troubled about him not offering it.  But when the pain flared up again later that evening, and by that time I knew a PT consultation was going to be a week and a half away, I started to feel frustrated and resentful that all he suggested for pain relief was Ibuprofen or Aleve.  They don't even take the edge off when the pain is really bad.  I've mostly stopped taking anything altogether, it's that unhelpful.

I'm not a big medicine taker, but I've been frustrated several times now (after two surgeries last year and now this) when I've been in serious pain and all that is offered is less than effective doses of prescription and OTC pain medicine.  I just don't understand how some people who are looking for a "fix" can seemingly easily get their hands on pain medicine through illicit means, and someone who is honest, and experiencing real and terrible pain, can't get the medicine that might help them endure more easily.  It's maddening to me.  It's depressing and discouraging.

Insert deep sigh of exasperation here.

Having gotten that off my chest, I guess I'm coping okay.  Discouraged and depressed at times, but okay I guess.  Do I have a choice?

The diagnosis I was given by the doctor is patellofemoral pain syndrome.  It's actually pretty common I now understand and PT should help resolve it.  Having gone online to find advice on how to cope with the pain and help it heal (since I'm left to my own devices until PT can begin), I'm now thinking there is another possible issue that may be causing my pain.  The good news is PT should still help if my issue is something different from what the doctor diagnosed, or if I have more than one thing going on (which is entirely possible, and maybe probable).  

Edited later to add:  At my first PT consultation I was also diagnosed with pez anserine bursitis.  I know, it's a funny name, and if you look it up and see what it means (and why it got its name) you'll think it's even funnier.   Before PT, as I was looking through videos for exercises to help what the doctor  told me I was dealing with, I found this condition and thought it better described my pain than the doctor's diagnosis did.  The good news is PT should help it, and will hopefully help me not get this aggravating condition again, or have the tools to get better if it does flare up again.

So I'm prescribed 6 weeks of PT (to begin 4 weeks into my present struggle), and if that doesn't resolve the pain, there will be next steps.  While I've grown frustrated with the medical establishment (for reasons beyond not getting adequate pain relief), I do encourage anyone who's like me - someone who puts off getting something like this checked out - to get it checked out.  The thing that hurts might just be fixable.  I've dealt with this knee for over a year now, and after I've read how these kinds of issues can end up creating chronic problems, I do wish I hadn't put off seeking help for so long.  Therapy is going to be a bit of a drag, but I'm hanging onto hope that soon I'll be headed in a direction that will provide more lasting relief than I can get on my own.

Pain aside, I had some nice distractions in the days following my doctor's appointment.  Last weekend held a birthday celebration for middle son (which saw me limping, but very happy to have everyone together), and Monday I actually felt good enough to drive a bit of a distance to visit a friend. I'm so glad I did.  It was a beautiful day to sit out on her deck and take in the view of the woods behind her house.  The scenery and the laughter shared over anything and everything was very good medicine.  Then over the rest of this week, the pain has been off and on, sometimes causing me to sit with my legs up, interspersed with periods of activity like cooking and laundry mostly.  This whole experience has been up and down, both physically and emotionally.  

At the risk of sounding downright whiney (if I haven't already), this waiting time is very hard. I just want to feel all better already.  I want to do some yard work or clean windows, something outside when the days are beautiful.  And we've had so many beautiful days this late winter.  I want to take long walks - both for the physical exercise, and for the emotional benefit walking would be.  And getting a full night's sleep sounds gloriously indulgent, yet impossible.  I'm trying to find ways to manage this waiting time so that discouragement is held at bay.

One of the things I've been humoring myself with is what some call zen-doodling.  Others call it meditative or slow drawing.  I used a gridded drawing like these to make a cover for a birthday card for middle son:

And I'm a little obsessed with this fun wave pattern:

Yesterday, I took another stroll around the yard and I see more evidence of spring:

and a mole, I suspect:

Glad to have seen the hole early.  Hub has found moles pretty easy to get rid of once we discover their presence.  We only had one or two last year and he was able to catch it (or them) with a contraption a neighbor loaned us.  It may be time to buy one of these for ourselves.  It looks wretched (and it is for the poor mole), but it does work.

That's all for me this week, I think.   I don't plan to go on again about my knee until I'm either improving, or have to face a different plan.  I hope you're doing well - physically, mentally, spiritually.   Wherever you are, I hope you stay safe, warm and dry in this unpredictable, changing late winter weather!

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When I hurts, I cries. Or at least I want to...

 This has become too common a sight in the last week:

I think I mentioned (probably early) last year that I injured my knee in our move in 2021.  It has flared up from time to time since, but I thought it was basically healed when a couple of weeks ago, after months of being good, it flared up again.  It wasn't too bad last week, but since the weekend, it went from annoying to agonizing.

I saw a nurse practitioner in my GP's office on Wednesday and was asked to rate my pain on a scale from 1-10.  I hate being asked this question.  Pain is subjective, and describing it is too.  

Having seen graphics of how to rate pain - where the smiling face has morphed over several pain levels to a crying face, I said, "Well... I want to cry, but I don't - for the most part".  I thought (still do) think it was fair to rate my pain around 8-9, depending on what I'm doing.  He seemed surprised - I suppose since I was sitting there fairly peacefully and almost happy (having a hope of relief will do that to a person).  That, and... this seems to often happen to me:   I suffer and suffer at home, but when I finally get up the nerve to call the doctor and there I sit in their exam room, I start wondering where the discomfort went and why I am there.  

Anyway, when I commented on disliking the pain scale question because of how subjective it is, he agreed with me.  He told me he doesn't ever judge a patient's description of their level of pain.  In the end, I don't know if I have a high pain threshold in that I could let something get to 8 or 9 before calling a doctor, or a low pain threshold for assigning those numbers while I'm still conscious.

Amazingly, I was able to get an appointment at the orthopedics office for Friday.  That's today.  Heading there shortly for x-rays and a consultation. 

Here is how I process these things:  

I'm feeling discouraged that a part of me is hurting badly enough to call a doctor.  Again.  But thankful that a doctor was available so soon.  I'm also expectant that he is able to diagnose and provide me some relief soon.  I'm thankful to live in a time and place where our owies are so often fixable.  When I'm not feeling well, I think about people who lived even just a hundred years ago and probably suffered through what today is easily (if expensively) fixed.  I also think of people who still today live places where they don't have the kinds of resources we have to heal their maladies.  And people here who, for various reasons don't have resources, or don't know about their resources to get help for their fragile, hurting bodies.

I'm keeping the thoughts above forefront as I anxiously anticipate another round of doctor visits, imaging tests, whatever solution is decided upon, then healing which probably includes physical therapy - which is a pretty serious drag.  After last year, that held two surgeries, and still recovering from one, it unnerves me to think about entering the process of treating something painful again.  But hope and thankfulness need to overcome my anxiousness.  Prayers to that end are so appreciated.  I may not get all my answers today, but I'll surely be back with hopeful news, and a plan for moving forward.

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