Hello 2026...

I don't normally go for walks outside after it gets much below 50, but today - while it was only 33℉, it was a calm day and I thought taking a walk outdoors would be a excellent start to the new year.  

I often enjoy walking in the local cemetery because it's fairly private, and quiet.  And if I don't feel up to a long walk, I can simply park my car anywhere and walk as long as I want on the many intersecting roads and not ever be very far from my vehicle.  That was a good plan for a day I didn't know how long I could tolerate the cold.

That said, I found myself wishing I'd chosen another option, simply because a cemetery seems a less than optimistic place to begin a new year.

On the other hand, I was surprised at how many people were visiting graves today.   As I walked, I avoided passing closely to those visitors, but I could see well enough to not see people out beside the graves.  People were evidently sitting in their vehicles - yet feeling the need to visit a lost loved one on this first day of the new year.  

It struck me as rather profound.  A day when some are working, but most are relaxing at home, and on a cold day like today, not too inclined to go out unless something is needed - as was evident by the many sparse parking lots I passed while driving through town.

I understand.  I don't know the stories behind the visitors to the graves, but I can imagine that going to the graveside of a loved one today was exactly the right thing to do for whomever it was.  

And for one who calls herself a Christian, who too often fails miserably to that calling, simply walking the paths there, I am soberly reminded whose I am.  

He will swallow up death forever.

The Sovereign Lord will wipe away 

the tears from all faces;

He will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth...

Isaiah 25:8

Fresh starts and progress...

Permission given by April Soetarman to use her photo

I gave up New Year's resolutions many years ago, but like most people, I enjoy fresh starts.  New years, new months, Monday mornings...  the start of anything new comes with hope and a promise of opportunity.  A clean slate.  Or so we like to imagine.

This January is no different.  While some unexplained recent bouts of random racing heartbeats have gotten me an appointment for an echo stress test, and being set up with a heart monitor I'll wear for a week (starting late next week), and blood tests and the doctor's scale this week providing the undeniable evidence of little discipline over the holidays, I'm not letting those things discourage me too much.  Rather, I'm choosing to embrace the hope that a new year brings. 

Another truth, though, is, while you can't see the evidence on the outside, it is undeniable that I have gained back most of my strength from all that 2023 held for me.  So, in that light, I count 2024 as an overall success - even if the random racing pulse is a puzzle at the moment. 

Also, I feel pretty good about my Dexa scan last month.  It showed I'm holding steady, with a .1 increase in bone density in the spine.  

I, and others, consider holding steady as progress, since the natural progression of bone density is always to diminish if left untreated - either with medicines and/or lifestyle.  Mainly, the lifestyle changes I made to date are specific vitamin and mineral supplementation, and to change my anti-cancer drug from one that is known to diminish bone density to one that might actually benefit my bones.  

Of course, I couldn't just switch my medicine on my own.  After doing research and approaching my oncologist about this a year ago, he was agreeable to making the switch.  The new-to-me (though older) medicine doesn't come without risks, but life has become a series of weighing one risk against another and making choices I'm comfortable with.  And at this point, it's oddly helpful to recognize and accept that cancer is a bit of a crapshoot.

The internet makes research easy - which can be good and bad, I realize. I suspect my doctors would prefer me to not do as much research as I do, but when I express my concerns about potential long-term side effects of certain medicines, they don't discount my worries.  Sometimes, they reword the risks, thinking they can make it more palatable, I suspect, when all they've really done is confirm what I just said I was concerned about.  I like to think they know that I'm not outright eschewing their advice or their medicines (necessarily), but I'm trying my best to actually make informed decisions, and decisions I can live at peace with.  Or, quite frankly (and possibly too morbidly for most people's tastes) decisions I can die at peace with.  When that thought settles in, it's game changing and kind of empowering.

Not that that headspace is where I live my daily life.  But there is great peace over making informed choices that take into consideration what is important to me.  It actually frees me from some fears.  I wrote briefly a couple of posts ago how knowledge about osteoporosis and what I might be able to do about it, turned fear into hope.

  

I remain open with my doctors about what I'm doing, and, in turn, they seem to respect me.  When I visited my GP last summer, after reviewing my annual blood work, I told her I didn't want to go on a medicine that has potential nasty side effects, when simple lifestyle changes might fix a perceived problem - "perceived" being key here).  This was not about OP, and I'm being intentionally vague here, so just go with it.  I also said, "I trust you'll tell me, nicely, if you think I'm being an idiot."  To which she chuckled softly and said, "You're not."

In a little over a week I will see my endocrinologist again.  Encouraged that my bone density has held steady for a year, and I am physically stronger than when I last saw her, I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass for now on the OP drug I know she wants me to take.  What I hope is that by making that choice, I don't lose a doctor I like.  She seems to listen, and not discount my concerns. But I'm not sure she has room in her files to keep a patient who isn't interested in the only treatment she can actually provide.  I mean, she'd go out of business if all of her patients wanted to try lifestyle changes first, or simply take the risk that a fracture might not happen, right?  If I do end up with a fracture at some point, I'd like to know I could see her again.  Risk/benefit scales aren't static.  They are constantly changing, depending on what's going on in one's life, and I suppose the scales might even be recalibrated when new treatments, or diagnostic tests are available.

This January I've already started working on some habits that may continue to improve things.  To be clear, I didn't start the year with great gusto and impressive resolutions only to burn out by now already.  But rather, I'm continuing to approach the building of habits in the way James Clear writes about in Atomic Habits.  Small changes accumulated regularly over time result in big improvements, or as Clear puts it:

"Habits are like the atoms of our lives.  Each one is a fundamental unit that contributes to your overall improvement.  At first, these tiny routines seem insignificant, but soon they build on each other and fuel bigger wins that multiply to a degree that far outweighs the cost of their initial investment.  They are both small and mighty. This is the meaning of the phrase atomic habits - a regular practice or routine that is not only small and easy to do, but also the source of incredible power; a component of the system of compound growth."

And spiritually, which ultimately is far more important than the physical, I'm working on private habits to take in and meditate more on scripture.  I've also signed up for a Bible study starting soon where adult women and older teen girls will study and share insights together.  And overall, I'm seeking what God wants me to do in this season of life.  What ministry opportunities I should be involved in.  Do I keep doing or increase doing what I've done in this regard in recent years, or should I do new things?  I have a feeling it will unfold slowly, and perhaps not obviously, and hopefully I'll look back and marvel again at what God has done in me, and for me - as He always has.

This is where I am in January of 2025.  A little bit all over the map, but feeling thankful and hopeful, recognizing and accepting that I have been a work in progress all my life.  And trusting that my Creator and Savior will continue to mold me and shape me as Paul writes to the believers in Philippi:

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Christ Jesus."  - Philippians 1:6  NASB

Happy New Year...

So...  are you a resolution maker?  I used to make resolutions, but I really don't anymore.  I do sometimes feel inspired with the start of a new year to challenge myself with some new things, though.  I think I'm also feeling motivated because my hand has significantly improved in recent weeks.  I'm really happy to report that the nerve pain I was having when I wrote the post before last is basically gone.  There's still some discomfort, still a little swelling from time to time, and a bit of stiffness, but with that nerve pain gone I feel so much more hopeful that my hand will continue to feel better over the upcoming months.

Ready to challenge myself and my hand, I easily came up with a some things I'm planning on stretching myself to do as this new year takes off.  These are just a few ideas I have in mind to do:

1)  Learn to knit socks.  I don't know why it's taken me so long to even consider the possibility that I could do this.   I've told myself for years that it looks too hard, but recently I came across some tutorials and I'm now thinking I'm up for giving it a try.  So I ordered the appropriate sized needles and yarn.

I've never handled such tiny knitting needles before.  These are size 1 (with a diameter of 2.25 mm).   If I am correct, there are five sizes smaller than these!  I can't quite imagine what kind of fairy fingers it takes to handle them.  I'm just waiting for sock yarn to arrive so I can give these a go.

I bought a 47" long circular knitting needle, hoping I'll find magic loop knitting easy to do, and will want to knit two socks at a time - because I'm so afraid of "second sock syndrome".  And I ordered the 9" needle thinking I might prefer zipping through the hundreds and hundreds of stockinette stitches - enjoying all that mindless in-the-round knitting - which could also diminish the likelihood of not finishing the second sock.   I like having options.

I'll be sure to report back on how sock knitting goes.

2)  I plan to try getting back to cross stitching.  In addition to smaller projects I'd like to stitch, I'm wondering to myself if I could manage to finish this sampler project I started in 2020:

Part of it is rolled up on this scroll frame.  

I'm probably close to half finished with the whole thing.

3)  Inspired by YouTuber, Ardent Michelle, I am interesting in cooking with some things that I'm not all that familiar with, some simple things, actually.  I'm also fascinated with her low-spend challenges.  This makes me consider that I can cook extremely inexpensively if I just challenge myself to cook from the pantry (and fridge and freezer) in the upcoming month or two - shopping mostly for fresh produce and other perishable things.

4)  And I really enjoyed last year making note of the "new things" that happened in my world.  At some point, though, my "new things" started being mostly hard and unpleasant things and it wasn't nearly as enjoyable to count them, but I'd like to get back to noticing new things.  Especially good new things.  I loved how the effect of counting "new things" created a spirit of appreciation in me.  That alone is reason to start back up my personal "One New Thing" challenge.  The challenge (in and of itself) isn't to do new things, or make new things, or experience new things - necessarily.  The challenge is to notice these things when they happen.  Whether I make them happen or they simply present themselves to me doesn't seem terribly important (not at the outset, anyway).  It's noticing new things and pointing them out to myself that changes me.   Hopefully some new things will find their way into posts here.

That's enough to start with.  That I care to share here, anyway.  

What inspires you as you begin a new year?  Do you have any new things on the  horizon?