Enter at your own risk...

Somehow I pulled myself away from making colorful dishcloths long enough to run some crochet thread through my fingers and start dreaming of making doilies or something filet crochet.  The earlier spell was broken, only to be replaced by another.  Even though I love it, I don't fully understand the draw of thread crochet, but it seems to coincide with the temperatures rising and it being too warm to sit and crochet a heavy blanket (which I have waiting in a basket to be finished).  Pulling out some pretty colors of crochet thread, I began looking through patterns and finally decided on making at least one spring-colored doily.  

It's nearly finished, so I imagine I'll have it (and possibly others) blocked and ready to show by next week.

The weather here is all over the place, and so it seems is my focus and attention.  Eighty degree days last week, and now we have a nice little stretch of cooler weather.  There's even a chance of a freeze tonight, Greg just told me.  A couple of weeks ago I planted some cool-weather vegetable seeds in the garden, but I suspect it's going to warm up to the point here quickly where those may not do so well.  A week ago, I planted some tomato and pepper seeds directly into the ground as an experiment.  Normally I would shop for these plants to transplant into my garden, but if I'm in no hurry, I don't see why tomatoes and peppers shouldn't grow from seed and produce before the end of summer.  We'll see.  If things don't look promising soon, I can always buy some small plants come May...

On yet another end of things, I've gotten myself into the predicament that too many crafty ideas are calling me.  It starts out as pleasurably thinking about such things until I realize I have a nagging list of things I want to do.  Crochet, knitting, sewing, quilting, embroidery, paper crafts...

I don't know when I thought I'd ever get around to the 30-Day Sketchbook Project (book) I gave myself for Christmas!

It doesn't help that the rest of the garden is calling, and I have visions of summer squash and green beans dancing in my head.  And weeds are proliferating everywhere.  And strawberries will surely be producing within a few weeks. Though, if it frosts tonight, the strawberry blossoms may get toasted.  That doesn't feel like an entirely bad thing right now.

And then there are things literally piling up.  In the office I'm sitting in, stacks of various themes are nagging me to deal with them.

And I'm remembering right at this moment I need to get my hair cut...

Sigh.

This will pass, I know.  I need to take one thing at a time, and it will all eventually get done.  Or not.  And if not, there'll be another season to tackle what doesn't get done.

Except, I really should get my hair cut.

And, by the way... I turned a year older on Saturday.  That could also have something to do with feeling tugged in too many directions.  It was a good, slow day spent with family.  We celebrated three different April birthdays.  Oldest son's (37) mine (67), and Hub's (72).  We enjoyed lunch at a Peruvian sandwich spot, then back to two sons' apartment where we opened gifts, and learned a new game (which was one of my gifts).

And today I woke up feeling like the year is speeding by again. I want to slow things down so badly.  Then as I'm driving to church, Greg, having left earlier, sends me a text that our dear elderly friend, Jack, had spent yesterday in the hospital, and would I be able to go and keep him company for a few hours? Of course!  

Turning the car around, I went back home first to get some food items to possibly coax Jack to eat something. He has not been eating much at all lately - even before this.

At Jack's house, I put the food items in the fridge and we sat and talked for a bit.  It probably helped that I could say I hadn't eaten when I asked if he was hungry, and would he like some food. I was happily surprised he said yes.  Minutes later we were eating ham and eggs, and then a jello and yogurt "treat" I'd made a couple of days ago - I think Jack ate more food in that one sitting than he's eaten most days in months.  

Precious time spent with Jack, who's 95, soon to be 96, helps to put everything in perspective.  Having just had a birthday, I don't imagine I'll make to 90, let alone 95.  Our days on earth are short. Our relationships precious.  And I enjoy slow, solitary hobbies. Meshing all of that can make for desperate feelings sometimes of getting everything in that I love.

Oddly, I think that's one of the benefits of crochet and knitting (actually all my hobbies).  When I'm doing them, these handcrafts cause me to just sit and do a thing that can only be done so fast.  Thread crochet is particularly slow, and I think it helps somehow to settle my sense of desperation of time whizzing by.  Even though I'm aware of time disappearing as I'm doing something fairly frivolous. 

And on it goes.  

Do you get into these uncomfortable states of mind - where the busy and good needs of life conflict with the pull of slowly creating things?  They feel like polar opposite values to me, and yet, they are both very much part of who I am.

Are you sorry you popped in here today to be taken on the merry-go-round that is my mind at the moment?

Spare time...

There are seasons in life when spare time is easy to distinguish from, well...  committed time.  No matter where we are on the spectrum of having commitments, it's likely many of us would say we don't have enough spare time.  The funny thing I've come to realize is we can have both too much spare time, and feel like we have too little at the same time.  Transitions in life can cause one to think more deeply about time.

Regret for wasting time...

Maybe next time...

There's plenty of time for...

Time is going too fast...

Realizing it's too late to do some things...

As I've gotten older, it has become less true that time is money, but rather... time is opportunity.

While I didn't retire from a full-time job as I grew into senior citizen status, I did retire from my previous full-time and part-time responsibilities.  The first was retirement from being a homeschooling mom - and the myriad jobs that title was spread thinly across.  That retirement came in 2014 when our youngest son graduated from high school.   What I felt at that time was both glorious freedom to do what I wanted with my time, mixed with a fair amount of angst over not having any clear purpose to my days.  Fortunately, I have always been a maker, a DIYer of sorts, a person who's rarely bored.  Not never bored, but I can easily find things of interest to fill my time.  

I had been coasting in that space for a couple of years when I was asked if I'd be interested in working as a part-time caregiver for an elderly lady with dementia.  I substituted for a couple of weeks when the full-time caregiver went on vacation and I discovered I enjoyed this type of work.  At least, I enjoyed this type of work with this particularly lady.  That two weeks turned into me becoming a permanent sub, which turned out to provide a pretty perfect amount of work for me each week.  It was deeply satisfying work.

That job ended abruptly when COVID struck, and the work of the elderly lady's husband came to an end.  And then in a fairly short amount time, this dear lady's dementia and frailness required that she have more full time care than could be offered at home.

Suddenly, in early 2020 I was swimming in a sea of time again.  In the early weeks of COVID, I crocheted and cross stitched to my heart's content, but that was short-lived.  Without recounting my personal 2020, '21, '22 and '23, let's just say that the many and varied twists and turns of life dictated what needing doing, and I found myself over and over again very thankful to be "retired" and have plenty of "spare" time.  Of course, in reality, my spare time simply shrank to accommodate commitments I had no choice over.  

That is the way life goes sometimes.  And for the moment, life appears to have opened up more time for me again.  And yet, as 2024 has now moved into February, I'm already lamenting that the year is going too fast.   Even though I have plenty of time, there isn't enough.   I am finding this to be one of the painful paradoxes that accompanies growing older. 

With this new year, I'm in transition again.  I'm feeling stronger from all that last year held.  I feel mostly positive, and I'm ready to do things - like planning a garden.   

On this sunny day, the garden (way back there) looks almost as eager to be planted as I feel to start turning the soil again.

But it is still winter, and, fortunately, I have inside projects to choose from.  Some are house projects (like painting a wall here or there, or maybe even a linen closet, or sewing some curtains, or finally putting something on the walls after living here for over two years now.  And, of course, there are always craft projects calling.  And there's downsizing our "stuff" that needs to continue.  Speaking of which, I need to bring some better order to this office I'm sitting in...

Life just broke into my writing here.  A few minutes ago, a friend called to see if I have just a cup or so of milk she can use for making mashed potatoes.  Guests are coming and I'm significantly closer than the grocery store.  Such a quaint thing that doesn't happen much anymore.  I happily invited her to stop by, enjoyed a short chat, and then she was off - toting a 3/4's empty gallon of milk from the fridge.  Good feels all around.

I need to finish this up.  We are soon heading out to dinner and a concert with friends tonight.  While it will be cold and dark when we get back home, it will be pleasant to make the half hour drive in what remains of the warm sunshine.

I hope you have a beautiful week ahead.  And I hope you find you have plenty of time to do some things you truly want to do! 

Beautiful music enjoyed by all.