There are seasons in life when spare time is easy to distinguish from, well... committed time. No matter where we are on the spectrum of having commitments, it's likely many of us would say we don't have enough spare time. The funny thing I've come to realize is we can have both too much spare time, and feel like we have too little at the same time. Transitions in life can cause one to think more deeply about time.
Regret for wasting time...
Maybe next time...
There's plenty of time for...
Time is going too fast...
Realizing it's too late to do some things...
As I've gotten older, it has become less true that time is money, but rather... time is opportunity.
While I didn't retire from a full-time job as I grew into senior citizen status, I did retire from my previous full-time and part-time responsibilities. The first was retirement from being a homeschooling mom - and the myriad jobs that title was spread thinly across. That retirement came in 2014 when our youngest son graduated from high school. What I felt at that time was both glorious freedom to do what I wanted with my time, mixed with a fair amount of angst over not having any clear purpose to my days. Fortunately, I have always been a maker, a DIYer of sorts, a person who's rarely bored. Not never bored, but I can easily find things of interest to fill my time.
I had been coasting in that space for a couple of years when I was asked if I'd be interested in working as a part-time caregiver for an elderly lady with dementia. I substituted for a couple of weeks when the full-time caregiver went on vacation and I discovered I enjoyed this type of work. At least, I enjoyed this type of work with this particularly lady. That two weeks turned into me becoming a permanent sub, which turned out to provide a pretty perfect amount of work for me each week. It was deeply satisfying work.
That job ended abruptly when COVID struck, and the work of the elderly lady's husband came to an end. And then in a fairly short amount time, this dear lady's dementia and frailness required that she have more full time care than could be offered at home.
Suddenly, in early 2020 I was swimming in a sea of time again. In the early weeks of COVID, I crocheted and cross stitched to my heart's content, but that was short-lived. Without recounting my personal 2020, '21, '22 and '23, let's just say that the many and varied twists and turns of life dictated what needing doing, and I found myself over and over again very thankful to be "retired" and have plenty of "spare" time. Of course, in reality, my spare time simply shrank to accommodate commitments I had no choice over.
That is the way life goes sometimes. And for the moment, life appears to have opened up more time for me again. And yet, as 2024 has now moved into February, I'm already lamenting that the year is going too fast. Even though I have plenty of time, there isn't enough. I am finding this to be one of the painful paradoxes that accompanies growing older.
With this new year, I'm in transition again. I'm feeling stronger from all that last year held. I feel mostly positive, and I'm ready to do things - like planning a garden.
But it is still winter, and, fortunately, I have inside projects to choose from. Some are house projects (like painting a wall here or there, or maybe even a linen closet, or sewing some curtains, or finally putting something on the walls after living here for over two years now. And, of course, there are always craft projects calling. And there's downsizing our "stuff" that needs to continue. Speaking of which, I need to bring some better order to this office I'm sitting in...
Life just broke into my writing here. A few minutes ago, a friend called to see if I have just a cup or so of milk she can use for making mashed potatoes. Guests are coming and I'm significantly closer than the grocery store. Such a quaint thing that doesn't happen much anymore. I happily invited her to stop by, enjoyed a short chat, and then she was off - toting a 3/4's empty gallon of milk from the fridge. Good feels all around.
I need to finish this up. We are soon heading out to dinner and a concert with friends tonight. While it will be cold and dark when we get back home, it will be pleasant to make the half hour drive in what remains of the warm sunshine.
I hope you have a beautiful week ahead. And I hope you find you have plenty of time to do some things you truly want to do!
Beautiful music enjoyed by all.
Thinking of your life as flowing one stretch into the next is a nice way of gaining a perspective of what you've been doing.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting and a challenge to think of life that way.
Thank you for sharing your journey
May, I find this is a perspective that only comes when one has enough life behind oneself to see it that way. It does help with the growing older bit - to see the continuum of one's life.
DeleteYou always have such wonderful perspectives on life. As I get older I find it takes me longer to do tasks than in my younger years. Hence giving me the feeling of not enough time to complete tasks. That's ok though. As my kids tell me "mom, it's not a race".
ReplyDeleteYou're kids are right, I suppose, Marsha. It sometimes feels like a race, but we'll all end up where we'll end up regardless how quickly we get there. I don't mind admitting, I have slowed myself a bit down since getting a diagnosis of OP. Not that I'm doing less, and not that I don't still walk briskly when on a clear path, and my knee allows. I'm just trying to apply myself to being more purposeful in my movements - even just around the house.
Delete"I'm already lamenting that the year is going too fast. "
ReplyDeleteThat's been my experience for quite a few years now.
You all be safe and God bless.
I'm glad I'm not the only one, Linda. I think I started feeling this way around the third week of January!
DeleteI understand. Trying here to make good use of the time given to me. My life has changed so much in recent years and the use of my time is different, too.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, the older I get the more I feel regret when I don't use my time wisely. Note I didn't say I always use my time wisely, I just feel the regret more keenly.
DeleteOh Becki, this was good for me to read today. I still work fulltime but a recent change in management will possibly hasten my retirement. In many ways I am ready, but in other ways not so much. We are prepared financially, mostly, but will have to be a little more frugal. But then there is the time thing of which you write. I recently joined a community choir, which I absolutely love, and I'll be able to expand some volunteer activities I am already involved in. But I know I will need to establish a routine, and with no job to force me to do that, I'm not sure how disciplined I will be? You are setting a good example for me!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked this post, Bob. I enjoyed my "retirement" for about five years before hubs retired. I had found my stride during that time, and it was kind of painful to see hubs experience that "loose ends" feeling when he retired in 2019. It was short-lived, though. When events in 2020 through 2023 took over, the things needing our attention kind of took care of the "loose ends", but hoping we may have time now for more pleasurable things, we would do well to individually and together and figure out what to do with our time going forward. The discipline to follow a routine is not my strength, but I do think it could be helpful. Joining a choir sounds like a lot a fun. Huh. You've gotten my wheels turning. :)
DeleteHello! I absolutely love this post, my friend. "Even though I have plenty of time, there isn't enough." What a perfect and beautiful way to express the way I feel as I grow older! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you liked the post, Billie Jo. I don't think it was until I was in my 50's that I started to feel like time was speeding up. Throughout my 50's I began to feel a sense of desperation about it. I hope that desperation levels out or goes away and our older years are more peaceful and satisfying when we contemplate time.
Delete'Even though I have plenty of time, there's isn't enough' holds true for me too. I'm so lucky to have a husband who does the cooking and is more than willing to help with the housework which leaves me what should be plenty of time to be creative. So why do I want more? I see the weeks/months/years speeding by and I want to hold it back.
ReplyDeleteI am startled at how fast time flies Mary Anne. I'm glad so many related to this post.
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