There are too many things in my closet that don't fit. Above is a dress (and sweater) that I wore when my youngest was 4. He's now 24. I'm wearing the outfit in a church directory photo, so I know exactly how many years it's been in my closet, and approximately how many years it hasn't fit.
The eternal optimist in me wants to think I'll get back down to the sizes of these clothes I have that don't fit. But I know the truth is that if I actually ever do accomplish that kind of weight loss, I won't want to wear those same garments. Why is it so hard to just let those things go?
Tonight I wasn't up to doing the psychological work of tackling what keeps me holding on to things like clothing that doesn't fit, but I think I'm going to take another tour through my closet another day during this challenge. We'll see if I make some more progress in this area.
I guess part of why it's so hard to let go is because of all the memories involved. We want to keep the memory but are afraid we're going to forget it if we don't keep a reminder in the form of a garment, book, photo, souvenir, whatever. Whenever we pick up the item, we relive the memory. That's why we burn our diaries (because we don't want to remember the bad days, the anger, the hurt, the grumpy stuff that we wrote down to get it out of the system) but keep garments that no longe fit (because we want to remember that lovely family picknick on that beautiful summer day, and the "I used to wear this when the kids were toddlers, and what a wonderful time that was" feeling). If it helps any, I'm the same kind of hoarder, and find it so difficult to let go of stuff. I still have a sweater my grandma made for me when I was 16. It's acrylic, it's worn and ugly by now, and in colours I don't wear anymore, but granny made it for me, so it's a keeper.
ReplyDeleteElla! Thank you for your thoughts. I hadn't thought it through like that. But I do think this may be what's going on with me. But I'm pretty sure it's not the memory of any event or happy time - necessarily, but rather it's keeping alive the memory that I was once a certain size. Like it's the proof! That, and I think there's a niggling little worry that if I give the items up, I'm giving up on ever getting back to that size again. Accepting defeat in a sense. These thoughts are below the surface, but honestly... not too far below. I try to deny or justify them when I'm sorting through my clothes. But that, then, just adds to making the effort harder. I'm now not just sorting and making decisions about individual items of clothing, but I'm trying to either ignore or make sense of the illogical conversation that is going on in my mind. I need to wrap my mind around this firmly and the next time I head into my closet to sort through things I think I'll be a bit better armed.
DeleteRead this today and thought of you.
ReplyDeleteMother Teresa handed on every gift she received as quickly as possible. Everything always belonged to the poor, the needy, or simply to people who in her view needed a little love at that moment. People who presented her with valuable heirlooms with the aim of ‘parking’ them near a saint had miscalculated and were often disappointed. She was an expert at re-gifting. Moreover, she recognized that the complete lack of possessions is also a piece of freedom, and that anything she could not use immediately was simply a burden.
Thank you for sharing that, Marsha!
DeleteBeing in the situation where there is only one small closet available for clothes (both for DH and myself) it means neither of us can keep anything that isn't being worn on a regular basis. That helps!
ReplyDeleteThat would definitely help! :)
DeleteIf you figure out the secret of letting things go please share. I am the worst!
ReplyDeleteI like getting rid of clothes. I'm waiting for another curbside pick up from a local charity.
ReplyDelete